Fullmetal Alchemist Drabbles
by Fullmetal.Alchemist.Fan
Summary: Gotten from Horselvr4evr123's profile! Gooo...drabbles! Swearing included. Plus they stink really bad *sigh* This is just randomness and me letting it out so I don't alienate my friends... *sigh*
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA!**

**Okay, I see this is my…sixth story? Wow.**

**These are drabbles based on Horselvr4evr123's profile sentences, which she got from Baroqueangel's drabbles…**

**Anyway, I'll take a cheap shot…**

**Anyway, I hope you'll read them! Because they're taking up space on my harddrive…*sob***

**Cleaning Can Lead to a Bigger Mess**

"F***," Winry swore, scowling. She put her oily hands on her hips and sneered at the pile of wrenches, screwdrivers, screws, nuts, bolts, and God knows what else. Wiping her hands on her apron, she almost decided to stop cleaning.

Because before she had started the fiasco, all of her tools were at least separate from each other. Now they were all in one tangled mess.

"How can metal get tangled?" Winry sighed, thinking out loud, "D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F! Do I Look Like I Give A Duck?"

The blonde laughed at Edward's favorite saying, then swore again at her tools, "Damn pile of junk."

Suddenly, she leapt into the pile, hugging a random spanner, "OH, you're not junk! You're-"

"Crap."

Winry's eyes darkened as the familiar voice rang throughout the room, "It's not crap, Edward Elric."

"Oh, yes it is."

"Then how can I fix your auto-mail?" Winry snapped, turning around sharply.

"By hand, you idiot," Ed laughed, leaning against the side of the doorway. Suddenly, he dropped, moaning and clutching his side.

"That'll teach you what crap is," Winry sneered, picking up the table leg she had thrown at her boyfriend and stepping over the bleeding mass that was once Edward.

**Deadly Murder**

"N-nii-san?" Alphonse backed up, putting his armored hands in front of himself. Here he was on a dark night at who knew what time, and he ran into his older brother, Edward.

Of course, he thought Envy had killed him. Alphonse hadn't gotten a chance to see whether or not he was alive or not.

And it wasn't that he hadn't gotten his body back. The armor fit Alphonse well now, and he felt comfortable in it. And now it was like old times.

Edward, short as ever. Alphonse, armored and glowing silver in the moonlight.

But something was wrong.

Ed's eyes glowered at Alphonse, like he knew he was hiding flesh under the metal covering. He seemed angry that he couldn't see Alphonse in his true, human state. But it wasn't disappointment in Edward's eyes. He seemed…disgusted, somehow. Like he wanted to touch the flesh under all that.

Ed slowly reached for his red jacket pocket. Alphonse realized that Ed's clothes were tattered and torn.

The elder brother pulled out a knife, covered with…dried blood?!

"What are you doing with that?!" Alphonse backed up again warily.

Raising the knife, Edward slowly advanced on his younger brother. Screaming, Alphonse striped himself of the heavy armor and took of running.

Sometime later in the night, a bloodcurdling scream rang throughout Central, and a river of blood flowed through the sewers.

**Join the "Dogs of the Military" Club, Why Don't You?**

Black Hayate panted.

Den panted.

The two black-and-white dogs stared at each other, panting, tongues lolling around their chins. Between the two, a puddle of drool accumulated at Fuery's feet.

"Aw, come on, you two. It's a hot summer's day, and you're dehydrating yourselves," Fuery wiped the grass again and scowled.

Breda walked out of the building, a stack of papers under his arm. When he saw Fuery and the two dogs, he screamed like Sciezka and took off running, arms pointed towards the sky.

Sighing, Fuery turned back to the two dogs.

_Come on! Hawkeye-sama will take care of you just fine_, Black Hayate barked.

_Naw. Winry-sama and Pinako-sama are my owners_, Den insisted.

_Please! We can be friends!_ Black Hayate whimpered.

_Friends? With a lowly dog like you? _Den made a whimpering sound like a laugh, _Why would I ever do that?_

_You're friends with humans. Why not me?_ Black Hayate stopped his panting for a moment.

_Because humans are better than dogs, stupid military pup._

_You just insulted yourself! _Black Hayate laughed like a crazed man.

Den frowned at Black Hayate, and Fuery looked at Riza's dog, now worried that the dog had gone mad.

_Please, Den-san?_

_No._

_With dog treats on top!_

_No._

_Stupid dog._

_Hm…_

Black Hayate blinked and smiled hopefully.

_Nope. _Den turned away.

"Aw, come on, guys, don't be mean," Fuery advised, wagging his finger although he had no idea what Den and Black Hayate were talking about.

_I hate you! _Black Hayate raced towards a window, then ran back and licked Fuery's boot, _Yay, Fuery-san stepped in gravy and jerky again._

_Idiot_, Den huffed indignantly.

"Aw, Black Hayate," Fuery shook his head.

**Opposite Love**

Winry frowned, poking at a sunflower in her grandmother's garden.

_Sunflowers. Despite how tall they grew, they remind me of _him_._

Winry's eyes closed halfway, and she caressed the bottom of the flower with both hands. She smelled the flower, and sighed with resent, "If only I were nicer to him…I could've…had that…kiss…"

She weeped. She was falling for Alphonse's old tricks. She was sure Alphonse and Edward were dead by now. She didn't know a lot about alchemy, and when Ed had told her that a soul cannot stay in another body for too long, she thought that applied to souls and different worlds as well.

She felt the air rip in half somehow-don't ask her how she knew that-and a sudden heavy weight threw her to the ground. Smelling the hair on the creature, she screamed…

"ALPHONSE!"

~*~

"So…you guys solved your problem, whatever it was?" Winry asked, sipping her hot chocolate.

She had suggested they moved into the kitchen as not to make a mess on the carpet, but she wanted the brothers to be comfortable.

"Yeah," Alphonse nodded happily.

Edward waved his hand in the air, "That's why we don't tell you things. You don't even know what they are. You assumed we couldn't stay in that world for long-pfft! We weren't there long enough to have anything done to us, anyway!"

"We were there for a year," Alphonse added.

"That makes you 25, Al. And Ed, you're now 26," Winry confirmed.

"Yeah," Ed nodded, looking up at Sally, the music player in Resembool.

They were sitting in the midst of a Christmas party.

Sally, who was Al's crush, sat down on Al's lap and kissed Al on the cheek, "Hello again. I'm glad you're back!"

Alphonse hugged Sally around the waist, "Me too."

"I don't think she's your crush anymore if you hug her," Edward smirked.

Al shrugged, "Long-distance relationships don't work well. I can't just come back…"

Sally laughed, "Let's leave these two alone. I have something to show you! I practiced some songs while you were away…" Sally dragged Alphonse into the kitchen, her short brown hair bouncing as she ran.

Ed and Winry looked at each other and laughed.

~*~

Almost everyone had left the party. It was nearing time for everyone else to go home, but the Elrics' closest friends and the Rockbells' distant family members had stayed a while longer.

Pinako looked up from where she was talking with Sally's mother, "You guys should go off to bed. Those youngsters Alphonse and Sally too."

Sally's mother nodded in agreement.

Ed shrugged, stood up, and stretched, "Oh well. Good night, Winry."

Winry stood up quickly, "Wait a minute. Ed, I need to talk to you."

"Er, okay," Ed turned around.

"No, in private," Winry rushed into the hall and faced him, crossing her arms and frowning.

"Er, o-_kay_," Ed shrugged and walked over to her.

"Well, ever since you left, I've been having nightmares. I was just wondering…" Winry touched her two index fingertips with each other every other second. She was nervous.

"You want me to sleep with you?" Ed guessed.

Winry hid her face under her bangs.

"Aw, geez…" Ed scratched the back of his head, "Fine. But I must warn you, I sleep in my underwear, and you're no exception."

Winry looked up at Edward and gave him a relieved smile. It wasn't that she didn't have nightmares…she loved him. She just wanted _one _night alone with him…

Walking into her bedroom, she turned around, "Don't look at me."

"What, you sleep naked?"

"NO!" Winry looked into the hall, then lowered her voice, "I just sleep in my underwear as well. Just don't look at me."

"Fine, fine," Ed took his shirt off.

Winry nodded, and simply slipped out of her clothes. Then she slipped into her side of the bed quietly and watched Ed slowly undress. _At least he can't see me watching him in this darkness_, Winry thought with relief.

Ed undid his brown belt and tossed it on top of his shirt, then slid out of his brown pants; the only thing covering his butt was his boxers now.

_White boxers with thin, blue, vertical blue stripes? So classic. _Winry sniggered in her mind, _At least they're thin._

Then, Ed took off his white undershirt. Underneath was a sea of muscles, rippling all along his torso. Winry almost fainted, _I'm sleeping with that?! No wonder he warned me…_

"Are you going to whistle now, or what?" Ed turned around and spread his arms.

"Whistle?" Winry giggled.

"Al usually does. It's frickin' annoying," Ed smirked, walking around the bed. Then, he got under the covers and tackled Winry. She shrieked and laughed, glad that the door was closed. Winry kicked under the covers with laughter.

Ed smirked and held Winry around the waist. Then, something green and red caught his eye…

Winry looked up, and smiled, "Oh, that."

A green plant sprinkled with white hung above their heads. Red berries mingled along with the green-and-white.

"Can you guess what it is?" Winry smiled sweetly at her crush, but before she could turn around and give him a full view of her face, her lips were crushed by Ed's.

Wrapping herself in Ed's legs and arms, she returned the kiss passionately, "My sunflower."

**Soot-Covered Diamonds**

_His eyes were as dead as burned out coals, but add the pressure of all the wrongs he committed to that familiar heat of his flames and beneath it all lay soot covered diamonds of determination to set things right._

_**Fwoosh.**_

_Burned out coals…_

_**Boom.**_

_A flame's heat…his eyes…_

_**BAM…**_

That was all Riza could hear during the Ishbal Rebellion. Roy.

**Silver Sin**

_Though they looked liked the real things, moved nearly gracefully like the real things...they never would be. Real limbs don't reflect silver sin._

Hohenheim watched Ed as the last moments of his life imprinted themselves on his eldest son's brain. And on his middle son's brain.

"Envy…Edward…be nice to each other, okay?" Hohenheim murmured, his last words soft but echoing throughout the chamber.

"DAAAAAAD!" Edward screamed, tears flowing from his eyes.

"Sorry, bro. He's dead," Envy snarled, his sharp teeth raising out of Hohenheim's body.

"No…Dad…"

**Author's Note: I suck at emotional drabbles. So if you don't like 'em, I apologize.**

**F***ing Sand**

"SAND IS ALMOST AS BAD AS FRICKIN' WATER!" Roy jumped around in circles. Even Riza Hawkeye was laughing, her sadness and his flames forgotten.

"Naw, really?" Hughes murmured teasingly. Roy stopped his jumping for a moment to scream as a bucketful of water fell upon him, drenching him and his gloves.

"HUGHES! WHAT IF THE ENEMY ATTACKED THIS VERY MOMENT?!"

"I'll be damned," Hughes put his hand on his forehead to shade his eyes, and he looked in both directions, "If they are."

"_HUUUUUGHES!" _Roy screamed, jumping up and down like a bratty child.

**Alphonse's Grave**

Ed sobbed into Roy shoulder. Roy stared, his eyes glazed over, at Alphonse's grave.

_Alphonse Elric._

_16 years old._

_A great friend, brother, and partner._

Ed suddenly looked up. He hadn't realized he was crying into someone's shoulder. And that person wasn't Winry. It was…

"Roy!" Ed jumped back, surprised.

"Don't step on a person's grave," Roy chuckled, eyes sad and narrowed with mourning. Tear streaks covered his cheeks, same as Ed's.

Ed's red nose twitched with anger, but it was soon replaced by tears in his eyes. The young blonde rushed forward and hugged Roy around the waist, crying his heart out. Roy rubbed Edward's back, "I'm here, Full-Edward."

**It's Gone**

Riza and Winry looked at each other, then at Roy and Edward, who were in suits and looking uncomfortable.

"Let's?" Riza smirked.

"Let's," Winry sneered evilly.

The two tackled their boyfriends, "NEVER LEAVE US AGAIN!"

**A/N: This was random…**

**Can't Fool Pinako**

"Shhh, Winry," Edward put a finger to his lips.

Ed was on top of Winry, and he was about to pull her black "shirt" off when…

"EDWARD! What, just exactly _what_, are you doing to my granddaughter?!" Pinako suddenly appeared beside the rose bush, hands on her hips.

Caught in the act, Ed stuttered, "I-I-"

" 'I' NOTHING! YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Pinako looked angrier than a bull.

Sighing, Ed got up, "Sorry."

Winry quickly kissed under Ed's chin and murmured, "Aw, man…"

**Sunsets and Candy Corn**

"Wahhhhhh!" Al screamed.

"Again?" Trisha sighed and put her hand on her forehead.

Ed, standing before his mother, was shaking uncontrollably on the spot.

"I told you not to eat all that candy," Trisha scolded her eldest son.

"B-but W-winry g-gave i-i-i-" Ed smiled.

Alphonse wacked his brother on the back angrily, and Ed continued, "-it to me!"

"That's no reason to hit your brother on the head…_again_," Trisha crossed her arms and sat back in her chair.

Ed frowned and furrowed his brow, "Huh?"

"You hwit me on the hwead again, you widiot!" Alphonse screamed.

"Alphonse!" Trisha's eyes seemed to glow with anger, "Do not call your brother a…a…"

"Widiot?" Alphonse smiled.

Edward, still jittery, hit Alphonse on the head again, "NO SAY IT, NO SAY IT!"

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Al whined.

Winry looked up from her book, her Alchemeen costume beside her, "Please, can you be _quiet_?"

"Winry, please don't give any of your candy to Edward again," Trisha glanced over at Winry.

"Mommy told me it's bad for my teeth, and Eddy likes it," Winry shrugged.

"Eddy-eddy!" Edward grinned maniacally.

Alphonse sniffled.

"Please, can we just go through one year without an Alchemeen incident?" Trisha groaned.

Hohenheim opened the door of his now completely ruined study and looked in, "Anyone got more candy?"

**I Bear Your Death's Pain**

Winry-no, the new _Lust_-stood over Ed, her eyes sad. Her sharp claws were at Ed's throat.

"I'm sorry Edward," Lust cried, "It doesn't have to be like this. We can free each other of our burdens-"

"Just kill me!" Edward screamed, his body-which was filled with a fire-like, searing pain-convulsed and shook, "KILL ME, WINRY, DAMMIT!"

Lust's lip trembled, and she let her claws sink into Ed's throat. The shaking teen finally stopped moving, the light of life finally gone from his eyes.

Lust sunk down beside Edward, and covered her face with her hands, "Edward…I had too. I'm so sorry."

**Grandparents**

Hohenheim blinked, "No way. I'm a…grandpa?"

Edward looked up at his father, "Yup. As of this moment, you're officially…

GRANPA HOHENHEIM!"

Hohenheim sighed and chuckled, "Well, I _am _old."

"Dude, you're Xerxian. Of _course_ you're old!" Edward grinned, his smile reaching the ends of his cheeks.

The baby, who was in Winry's lap, reached up and squeezed Hohenheim's finger.

"Well, are you going to name them?" Winry smiled at the baby boy AND baby girl in her lap.

Edward thought for a moment, looking at the baby girl, then the baby boy, then he said…

"Maeda and…Kondou."

**A/N: Maeda's the girl, and Kondou's the boy. I got those names off Rum Monkey. I'm not planning to go through with those names, though. But if I remember, I might.**

**Thank you for reading! I'm doing 10 pages per part, and this one went onto the 11****th**** page, but it's not like you can really tell the first time…right? RIGHT?! Okay, sorry.**

**Wait for Part 2!**


	2. Part 2

**Every time he comes home he's wrecked his automail, but this time it's not something that can be seen that's been shattered. **

"I'm so sorry, Nina…"

"Edward?" Winry looked over his auto-mail leg.

"Nina…" tears rolled down the teen's cheeks, his golden eyes hidden from Winry.

"I let her die…"

"Who?" Winry inquired, walking up to Edward's face.

"Nina…young…she died…blown up…" Edward sobbed. His metal fist clenched in anger and pure rage.

"Gimme a hug."

Edward quickly raised his head in surprise. Winry stood there, her arms wide and a big smile on her face.

"Come on, you big loof," Winry giggled.

Edward smiled sadly, and embraced his mechanic. But instead of hugging her back, he grabbed her head forcefully and brought her lips to his.

Winry felt rather uncomfortable to be touching his bare chest.

"Thank you, Winry," he whispered through the kiss.

**Tap tap tap. All he did was tap his fingers on his desk as he stared at his paperwork. Bored out of his mind Roy decides to have some fun. But in the midst of things a blond shrimp accidentally leaps into the action.**

_Tap, tap, tap._

"Damn paperwork," Roy glared at his paperwork.

The paperwork simply stared back at him.

"Fine! I'll do you if you insist!" Roy threw up his arms in despair. Realizing what he just said, he groaned and picked up his pen, only to drop it with surprise when-

"PAR-TAY!" someone shouted.

It sounded like someone Mustang knew…

"Oh, no…" Roy groaned, slapping his forehead.

Fullmetal stormed into the room, a grin the size of a watermelon on his face and a beer bottle the size of a watermelon in his fleshy hand, "Wassup, Roy-boy?"

Mustang growled something incomprehensible under his breath.

"What's that, Roy-boy? Wanna PAR-TAY?" Edward laughed maniacally and swung his hips in a circle.

"The last thing I need to see is THAT," Roy cursed himself for glancing up at the wrong moment.

"Roy, my boy, don't be so down. The world is BIG. And WIDE. Like…my awesomeness," Edward grabbed Roy by the shoulders and swung his beer bottle out towards the door, where Mustang's subordinates stood there, their eyes as big as Mustang's.

"We tried to keep him out of your special room, boss…" Breda squeaked bravely.

"YOU…WHAT?!" Roy screamed.

"ROY-BOY! MY BOY! Calm _down_. _Get down_," Ed grinned a devilish grin.

"Fullmetal, you are too young to be making sexual inquiries-"

"I said…PAR-TAY! Partay, my Roy-boy!" Edward started break-dancing in the middle of the office.

Mustang's officers agreed with the State Alchemist _never _to let Elric get drunk again.

**He was a nuisance. He was sure of it. That's how they felt about him. It had to be. What Ed doesn't realize is that it's his birthday and the reason his friends and family have been excluding him from nearly everything was because of a surprise party, but when they go looking for him he's gone with only a simple letter on his pillow. **

Ed looked back into his makeshift room in the Rockbell home.

Nobody loved him. Even Mustang was being nice to him. Surely Hell had something against him.

He was a nuisance. He was sure of it. That's how they felt about him. It had to be.

He swung his suitcase around and closed the door behind him. Closing the front door, he skipped down the steps and started towards the station. He'd go to Xing. Make a living there.

After the way everyone had been avoiding him-which had been going on for TWO MONTHS-he was sure they were pissed off with him and fed up with him.

He would've stayed if…but Al betrayed him too. Probably for Winry.

_Who cares about Winry? I never liked her…_

He knew he was lying to himself. But he didn't want to go back there. Ever.

Edward Elric, 13 years old. Depressed and seemingly alone.

"Have you got the balloons?" Winry asked.

"Yes," Alphonse replied.

"The cake?"

"Yup," Roy smiled evilly at the candles, but not after Riza slapped the back of his head then pretended not to.

"Then let's get this party started! Where's Ed?" Winry asked, a smile on her face.

"Let me check his room," Alphonse suggested.

When the armor came back, if he could frown, that would be an understatement.

"Nii-san's gone!" Alphonse cried out.

Winry's mouth formed into a small "o", "What?"

"He's gone. And he left this note," Alphonse looked down sadly and read:

_I'm off._

_I knew that I had an attitude, but I never thought I took it too far…_

"Here we go, with the sappy crap," Mustang turned around and groaned.

_I'm a nuisance, I know. So I'll leave you guys be. Alphonse, I hope you're happy with Winry. _

_I knew I'd be repaid somehow…I guess you hated me for turning you into armor. _

_I guess you would've been happier with Mom's soul._

_Well, I hope I'm right. See ya._

_E.E._

Winry sniffled, "That's what he was thinking? I thought he was just being emotional these past two months…"

Suddenly, Winry cried out and burst through the open door, into the living room. _Dirty footprints. Edward._

She burst out of the front door and ran down the trail, sloshing through the mud and squinting her eyes through the rain.

"EEDDDDDD!" she screamed.

"EDWARD ELLLLRICCCC!"

Ed stopped in his tracks. Was someone calling his name?

The blonde shook his head. It was his imagination. He really wanted to go back. But he'd just cause misery for others. Continuing, he stared at the ground, his eyelashes drenched and getting in the way of his eyes.

They were wet with tears, soon, as well.

Suddenly, he was thrown to the ground. Face flat in the mud and suitcase thrown off into the grass, he turned over and stared into the face of Winry.

"Go away! I just piss everyone off!" Edward turned his head to the side in shame.

"No, you don't!" Winry screamed back.

"What?" Ed was ready to believe anything.

"We're been avoiding you because…" Winry summoned up the courage to say it and ruin the surprise, "Happy Birthday, Edward Elric. You're 13 years old."

Edward just sat there, propped up on his elbows. Then, after a very long silence, he laughed softly, "I'm not a nuisance?"

"No. In fact…" Winry paused, and she caressed his surprised face in her arms, "You're the glue that holds me and you together. Happy Birthday, Edward Elric. You've got a girlfriend."

And before Edward's facial expression could even change with a blink, he was kissing Winry. His hands traveled down her back, then back up and through her hair, pressing her face harder into his.

When the very long kiss finally ended, Edward pulled back and licked his lips, looking down, "You're straddling me."

Winry looked down as well and squeaked with surprise, "OH!" But she couldn't back up, for Ed still had his hands on the back of her head.

"Thank you, Winry," Edward cut himself off with another kiss.

**Ed and phones don't mix.**

"You wanna mess? DO YOU WANNA MESS WITH THIS?" Edward screamed at the inanimate object.

Winry and Al watched him listlessly as the teen screamed at the phone plugged into the wall.

"HOW DARE YOU UNPLUG YOURSELF? I'M GONNA MOLD AN ASS FOR YOU, THEN KICK IT!"

"WHAT? _WH-WH-WHAT?! _DON'T YOU DAMN TELL ME YOU DON'T NEED AN ASS! I'LL MAKE YOU NEED ONE, YOU SORRY-SACK DICKHOLE!"

"SHUT UP! I DON'T NEED YOUR COMPENSATION!"

"OH, YOU WANNA MESS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE? ALRIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

While Ed wrestled with the phone, Al held his hand out to Winry, both looking bored, "You'll need this."

"Thanks," Winry growled angrily, taking the money.

**She was certain he would never love her, but the night of the meteor shower he proved her wrong in so many ways.**

Riza sighed, leaning on the balcony. It was midnight, and she was in the Armstrong mansion, looking up at the stars.

Tonight was supposed to be a girls night-the host, surprisingly, Olivier Armstrong-but she just ended up leaving when the conversation turned to boyfriends.

Olivier seemed to have no problem being single. But Riza's heart ached with each word, no matter how silly the conversation seemed.

Why couldn't they talk about guns? Why was it always boys? Men?

If only she had her own husband to talk about. Her own _lover_. But she didn't. Because she was certain he would never love her.

"Ooh, meteor shower!" one of the girls, Sciezka, pointed outside. She was currently dating Roy.

_What a pair. He smacks my butt every morning, but now he's jacking hers_, Riza sighed.

"Riza, be sure to give us the full update!" another one of the women called out and giggled. She was dating Havoc, but she was sure the relationship wouldn't last long. But Riza soon reminded herself that this was the longest he'd ever had a girl-since Roy had a girlfriend, Havoc had been dating for 7 days now.

"Okay, okay," Riza called back softly, while her so-called "friends" went back to their senseless chatting.

_Well, since THEY'VE got boys, I can't exactly say it's senseless. Maybe once you've got someone who loves you, you don't feel so bad. _

_Then again, it used to be about how stupid boys were. How did that change?_

"Whatcha sad about?" a deep male voice asked from two feet away.

Riza squeaked, closed the balcony door, shut the blinds, and glared at the man, "Fullmetal!" She was glad the balcony door was soundproof.

"Riza can be so emotional when she's alone," Sciezka chided.

Olivier laughed, "Quite so."

"How are you?" the muscular man slid off the balcony edge and walked over to Riza with his hands in his pocket. She had her eyes glued to his chest, but then she scolded herself and looked at his cream-white scarf instead.

_His creamy skin…I want to kiss it._

"I'm fine," she lied.

"Really? You look lonely. I overhead the girls in there, and I see you left them in…embarrassment?" Edward guessed.

"I feel left out. I don't have a man, because Roy's with Sciezka," Riza huffed, folded her arms, and looked away.

Suddenly, his warm breath flooded her ears-and her mind, "Don't you have me?" His arms started right above her hips, and moved around to the front, then stopped right below her waist.

"N-no," Riza sighed with pleasure, even though she tried to conceal it, "You don't love me."

"Oh, but I do!" Ed drew his head back in surprise.

Riza, not thinking and letting her tough side go, gasped and hugged Ed's head to her chest, "You're warm! Don't leave me!"

"Er, Riza…" Edward's words were muffled.

"Yes?" Riza was afraid to look down, in case he was mad.

"My head seems to be stuck in your valley," Edward pointed at himself, then at Riza.

"Oh! I forgot you were so shor-"

Edward leaned up to kiss her, so that he wouldn't outburst and cause the girls inside to rush to Riza's "rescue", "Don't have to tell me twice, babe."

And his hands caressed her as they kissed. And the meteor shower grew.

**Author's Note: Okay, Horselvr, thanks (even though u might not know I'm writing these drabbles).**

**Now, I will have to think up some silliness. AHA! How NOT To Become a State Alchemist. Coming soon!**


	3. Part 3

**A/N: I thought that being deprived of your State Alchemy title would be better than how not to get one at all. So, here it is! Hope it sucks, lol. **

**By the way, this takes place AFTER Ed and Al get their bodies back in Brotherhood. At least I THINK they'll get their bodies back…I'll get back to you on that…**

**(If I underline it, it happened in my school!**

**If I bold it, it's actually happened in my life!)**

**How To Be Deprived Of Your Job As A State Alchemist!**

1: Color within the lines after drawing with chalk.

_They always knew that Fuery was really a middle schooler with a knack for drawing._

2: Be nice.

_The new Alchemist always seemed to have a stick up their butts these days…_

3: Transmute ugly versions of your boss's face into the wall.

_After three weeks, the Furher was not amused._

4: Transmute the lunch room into a club.

_Roy learned that Alphonse and beer don't mix._

5: Pretend you're on American Idol.

_Military men had a tendency to boo when introduced to these American concepts…_

6: Act like Ryan Seacrest.

_All of the people that had joined in on the trend had started looking the same to Havoc._

7: Start marking down the days on a calendar that covers the entrance to Central.

_For some reason, tomorrow was now "doomsday"._

8: Call Edward Elric short.

_For people forced into State Alchemy, this was the quickest way of escaping Central's insanity._

9: Call Alphonse Elric big.

_Even though it was a lie, this was the second quickest way of escaping Central's insanity._

10: Call Roy a matchstick.

_The new recruit was, fortunately, a master of water._

11: Start smoking.

_The death rate had gone up ever since the Furher had gone hippie, and he didn't know why._

12: Start laughing like Patti Thompson from Soul Eater.

_Madness was common, and common sense was starting to become pretty uncommon._

13: Perform a human transmutation.

_Truth's mother had been wondering for some time now why her son had been getting so many visits lately._

14: Write a poem on the bathroom mirror in lipstick.

_Ed didn't remember being taught how to read a message made from lipstick kisses. _

15: **Steal someone else's magazine.**

_What's a magazine?_

16: **Steal someone's video game.**

_Edward had gotten rather grumpy ever since Winry ripped off his auto-mail and started playing with it._

17: **Call someone by the wrong name.**

_Alphonse really needed to cut his hair._

18: Not brush your teeth properly.

_Armstrong had become even more unbearable than he had before._

19: **Mess up on an art project.**

_Why May Chang's silver pocket watch was now a statue of Alphonse Elric with Edward's head, no one knew. _

**A/N: I don't think May Chang becomes a state alchemist.**

20: Blow up Mustang's gloves.

"_THAT'S MY JOB!"_

**A/N: Okay, I think that's sucky for you.**

**So, what did you think? Any ideas for what I should do next? Should I make more of these as well? I might.**

**So, see ya! Until next time! And please, read my other stories! They need attention! I don't even care if you read one word in the first sentence. That's all that matters!**

**REVIEWS ARE BETTER THAN HAVING ALPHONSE ELRIC! (Well, maybe not, but that doesn't matter right now!)**


	4. Part 4

**A/N: Now I'll mix up people's names. :3 If you can guess whose names I mixed, you get a smile. :P**

Dwrd Lrc (This one's a giveaway)

Aoe Ei

Ry Mstng (Another dead giveaway)

Ia Aee

Zm Crts

I Ui

Trsh Lrc

**A/N: Damn, I have to go to bed. I'll forget about this sucky chapter anyway, so please guess them. Doesn't matter if you don't get all of them, you still get a smile :D Except the easy ones. They're easy :D**


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